Jersey’s Alka seltzer Bomb

Posted by Castel on January 23, 2008

Monday evening I got a call that I changed my opinion about East Coasters. A man from New Jersey called and asked for some marketing advise. I don’t normally give any advise because people bring law-suits for the stupidest reasons, but that night I was bored enough to find out what he wanted.
Mr. Jersey wanted to know if there would be any practical use of a foot ball shaped “Alka Seltser Bomb.” He went on to say that he saw a small Seltzer Bomb in a cigarette shop in New York City and God told him that he could improve it to help humanity. (A seltzer bomb is a bag that has water and Alka Seltzer, you mix the two and it causes a small explosion of water, it is fairly harmless and more of a gag gift than anything else.)
Now don’t get me wrong, I am not mocking God, I believe that He talks to man, and that man can talk to God, but I don’t think that God in his pearly white sandals told Mr. Jersey to make a Seltzer bomb that would improve mankind’s existence.
asked Mr. Jersey why he would need something like that and of course he doesn’t answer the question, he just starts spouting something along the lines of “what if someone walks into a library and lights himself on fire? If the bomb is shaped like a football it would make it easier to throw and it would mean that the guy on fire would be put out by the water.”
I asked him who would walk into a library and light themselves on fire? Of course he answers and says, “A terrorist, who else?”
I (sarcastically,) tell him it is a great idea and that he should contact a marketing firm so that this could be used in libraries throughout the free world. I also tell him that he should be quick about it, because who knows when terrorists are going to figure out that the way to destroy western civilization is by lighting themselves on fire in a library.